notes to my depressed self

because i know i’ll be seeing you again. (and probably sooner than later.)

  1. you will come out the other side of this. you always do. remember what your brother said: “don’t make the mistake of thinking now is forever, it’s not.” you might not believe me, but you know that kid ain’t lyin’.
  2. write. write anything. write the word “fuck” six hundred times. write garbled poetry garbage; write fanfiction; write bad fanfiction; start another original work you’ll never finish; just write.
  3. call your brother. even if you can’t say two words. let him tell you about his life and make you laugh. let him bring that piece of you he carries around back to you. you’re gonna need it.
  4. go out to eat. at a sit-down place. order a steak and some vegetables. it’s worth whatever it costs.
  5. have you showered today? yesterday? if you’re not showering every day, you really need to start, darling. hop in right now. put some music on. you don’t have to wash your hair, but i’d really recommend it.
  6. buy yourself some new lipstick and plan an outfit around it. go to starbucks and Get Seen and remember that other people exist. try to accomplish one thing while you’re there — your to-do list is plenty long and you need to cut it down, babe, before that anxiety drowns you.
  7. i know your apartment is a mess. invite a friend who doesn’t care about the mess over to watch you clean. you just need the company and then, i promise, you can do it.
  8. might as well cry all you need to. honestly, cry more than you need to. you’re so bad at starting, you’re probably only gonna get the one chance. and what happens in the privacy of your bedroom — or car — is nobody’s business but your own.
  9. go through a drive thru. go through a drive thru every damn day. develop a coffee habit. you need the human contact and an opportunity to be nice to somebody, even when your legs can’t carry you to it.
  10. i swear to god you are gonna make it. you are one resilient motherfucker. and making it has, historically, always been worth it.

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